hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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