this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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