It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
