I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
