Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
