I think im going to throw up on grandma
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
