I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
