Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
