why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
