Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
