I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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