Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
