In the future we'll all be gay
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize