TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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