remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
