My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
