i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
