Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
