he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
