Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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