Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We are all done wearing pants today
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
