we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
