FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
