so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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