fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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