I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
