i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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