You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Quick, to the slutcave!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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