You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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