She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
