This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
