i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My vagina just recognized that song.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
