Im at strip club and am horny
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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