It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
