just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
