I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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