i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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