you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
