So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize