we're blogging at a bar
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
