It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
