Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
