I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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