The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
