hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
