the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
