I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
