Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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