Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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