I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
