I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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