If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
