Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize