using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
