My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
