legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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