I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
