Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
