Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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