the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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