Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
