Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
ttyl tear gas
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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