Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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